In Bed, Under the Covers

Source: tinywhitedaisies.tumblr.com via Tiffany on Pinterest

I feel badly that I've been neglecting my blog lately. And I feel even worse that I've been neglecting all of your wonderful blogs. I won't even tell you how many read posts I've starred in my reader with the intention of returning to leave a comment. Its a lot. I'm sorry. I promise that I will be back and commenting soon.

On the bright side, I've been MIA for good reason. My thesis defense is officially scheduled. I have two weeks before I have to give a copy of my final document to my committee members and so I've been expending lots of energy worrying about that.

My summer classes have also been keeping me busy. I'm in class everyday of the week except Friday. One of the classes I'm taking is a class on group therapy. So far, I've found it really interesting. I think when I'm licensed I'd really like to run groups so I am trying to soak up as much information as possible.

Working out has also been taking up time that was previously reserved for blogging. There are times when I don't want to go the gym, but I just tell myself that it doesn't matter whether I want to or not because I have to. The other day Jenna posted about her weight loss and while I do not agree with everything she said/recommends, I did appreciate this little part of her post:

Know that it’s going to be hard. And that maybe it will be the focus of your life for a period of time. Once you meet your goals, you get to move on with your life! You won’t regret the hard work for a moment.

Neill and I did manage to take some some time out to celebrate Memorial Day together. Monday was the first really warm and sunny day we had in Chicago and so we enjoyed the weather by taking a long walk around the lake, something that was on my summer bucket list. It was just as much fun as I thought it would be! Chicago's lakefront is truly beautiful and it really gave me a new found appreciation for my city.

I love the water. In my dream world, Neill and I would have a wonderful boat that we could take out onto Lake Michigan. 

Navy Pier

One of the best ways to see the city is through a boat tour. If you ever come to Chicago, you absolutely have to go on one. It takes you on the Chicago river and just a little bit into Lake Michigan. 

This cute little guy stole someone's snacks

I'm watching the Real Housewives of NYC and I'm reminded about how much I love Jill Zarin. Do you have a favorite real housewife?

Spring Break

As of this morning, I am officially on Spring Break. Its 45 degrees outside today, which is basically the closest Chicago gets to Spring in March, and I have no classes, no meeting, and nothing due. How should I enjoy the day?

I was thinking of taking a walk over to The Ark on Milwaukee Avenue to do some thrifting and then maybe stopping at Forever Yogurt for some pistachio flavored frozen yogurt. 

Source: fotokudra.lt via Alisha on Pinterest

Here's to a wonderful Monday! 

Guilford Press 50% off Sale

Once a year, Guilford Press does a huge 50% off sale for full time students. This is the best time to stock up on all of of the pricey treatment manuals. Check out these crazy savings!

Even though 260 is still a ton of money, without the discount all of these books would have cost more than 500 dollars. If you are a student, you can use the promotional code STUW to get the same discount. Then, at check out you will have to enter your student ID number and the school you attend.

Another super nerdy thing I got excited about? Most of the books for sale on this site allow you to read large chunks of the book for free using google preview and even download a sample chapter at no cost. I've already downloaded about twenty different chapters from different books.

Happy Reading!

What Does Self-Worth Look Like?

I let it slip yesterday that I was spending my Friday night working as a mental health representative at a campus event for undergraduate students. In honor of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, a campus organization arranged for Amanda Arlauskas, a past contestant from the Biggest Loser, to speak. Given the strict diet and the extreme exercise routine contestants adhere to on the show, there was a concern that some students might react negatively. So, I was on hand just in case. 

via amandaarlauskas.com

Listening to Amanda talk was pretty interesting. During her time on the Biggest Loser she lost about 87 pounds in just a few months. But, she revealed that to lose that much weight in such a short period of time she worked out eight hours a day and only consumed an average of 1,000 calories. It was also interesting to hear her discuss how the competition got to her head. For example, she shared that she became quite paranoid that the other contestants were trying to sabotage her weight loss by putting salt in her food.

While Amanda was very sweet (a persona that no doubt helped her get cast on the show in the first place), there were a lot of things about her talk that I found problematic. For example, Amanda shared, as though it was the most normal thing in the world, that she currently thinks about her weight "every minute of every day" and even dreams about it. She bills herself as an inspirational speaker, but is that really what we want to inspire women to be like?

Another theme in her talk that was actually really sad for me to hear about was the idea that self-worth is largely based on weight. She perpetuated the dumb (and completely false) idea that being overweight is synonymous with having poor self-worth, but being thin is part of having high self-worth. For example, she talked about deciding she loved herself enough to lose weight so that she could wear skinny jeans and men would find her "sexy." REALLY??? I'm honestly not knocking the fact that she wanted to lose weight to look better (I can relate to that), but to say these things with absolutely NO critical analysis of our culture that equates thin with beauty is doing a disservice to every single college woman who goes to hear her speak. Even just a few sentences on the idea that it is possible to feel good about yourself no matter what your weight would have gone a long way. 

i think these women look mighty fine. via the healthy apron.

Another unfortunate trap she seems to have fallen into is the "I'll be happy when" mantra. First, it was I'll be happy when I've lost weight. But, now that she has lost the weight she still isn't happy with the way she looks. Instead, she hopes she will finally be happy after losing twenty more pounds and getting her excess skin removed. But will she actually be happy then or will she find something else that needs to change before she can feel good about the way she looks? 

She spoke for a good 45 minutes, but here is a two sentence run down of her talk - being fat stops you from doing the things you want, like wearing skinny jeans, going to prom, having fun, being pretty, having a boyfriend, feeling sexy, being happy, loving yourself, etc. So, you should love yourself enough to lose weight so that you can have those things.

If I could waive a magic wand and change her speech up, this is what it would sound like --

We live in a society that shames fat women and makes them feel like they can't wear skinny jeans, go to prom, have fun, be pretty, have a partner, feel sexy, be happy, or love themselves. But, all of these things are possible at any weight. I'm happy that I've started eating healthier and being more physically active because I'm less concerned about my health and it makes my every day life is easier. But, now that I've lost 87 pounds and I'm still preoccupied with my weight and still too self conscious to wear what I want to wear, I see that true self-worth doesn't come from a number on a scale or the size of your jeans. 

ANYWAYS, my rant is over. Are you a fan of the biggest loser? What do you think about the show? Do you think Amanda is a good role model? What do you think self-worth should be based on?

Good News!

I've been on pins and needles the last few weeks waiting for an offer and one finally came on Wednesday. The placement I interviewed at on Tuesday offered me a spot and I accepted right away! I'm so relieved to finally have this mess taken care of. I can finally breathe easy and start focusing on other aspects of my life again. 

I'm really excited for next year. I'll be doing neuropsychological assessment with an adult population. So, clients will come in for evaluations for a variety of different reasons, such as traumatic brain injury, dementia, adhd, or neurological conditions. But, pretty much everyone will be there to determine their level of cognitive functioning (e.g., memory, processing speed, language abilities, etc.,). It will be my job to administer the assessments and then write up the results for the patient and their doctor (all under supervision of board certified neuropsychologists, of course).

So, a BIG thank you to each of you. Reading your words of encouragement really boosted my confidence and I think that helped me approach the interview feeling cool, calm, and collected. In honor of my success, I want to share with you some of the inspirational images I've found on pinterest. If you are following me, you know that I have a whole pin board devoted to words and these are some of the images that I have found especially encouraging.

via modernemotive.com

via weheartit.com

via quote-book.tumblr.com

I hope everyone has a lovely friday! I'll be working as a mental health representative at a campus event tonight. What are your weekend plans? Do you have any recent successes that you want to share?

Wish me luck!

I know I've been quiet around these parts lately.  Things have been pretty busy and and stressful for me. As part of my program I need to find a practicum position for next year so that I can continue to develop my clinical skills and gain more experience.

You see, becoming a psychologist isn't just a one or two year deal - I'm in a six year program. I went in at 23 and I'll have my PhD when I'm 29, and that is if I get my dissertation done on time and don't take any time off for baby having. In this six year period I'm responsible for completing three full years of graduate coursework, teaching, research requirements, and five years of hands on clinical experience (i.e., therapy). Some years are mainly devoted to one of these endeavors and other years are devoted to all of them. For example, my first year all I had to worry about were classes and my last final year will just be an internship where I get to do therapy full-time. But now, in my second year, I am in classes, conducting therapy at a counseling center, and working on my thesis. I get exhausted just thinking about it!

via phd comics

Even though it is super busy, I really enjoy being a therapist. It is originally why I went into psychology and I'm really looking forward to all the new experiences and opportunities I'll have these next few years. The downside of all of this?

Finding a new placement! Honestly, the application process has been bringing me down :( It is hard not to get stressed out when it feels like my whole future is riding on this. Getting real world clinical experience is a core part of the program so not having a placement is just not an option.

I know this will all be figured out soon enough, but until then please wish me luck!

New Years Resolutions

A  few days ago I shared that I created my new years resolutions based on where I want to be a year from now. Come 2012, I'd like:

+ to have my master's degree
+ to have strong relationships with friends, family, and Neill
+ to be financially secure
+ to be healthy
+ to be happy

I want my resolutions to go farther than just simply stating my intentions though. I want my resolutions to be a plan for how to get there. For example, it is easy to say that I'm determined to be financially secure in 2011. But, this doesn't speak to what this means or my plans for achieving this goal. So, I've created a few action steps to help me reach each goal.

In order to have my master's degree I will stay committed to my research. This means that I will work on it at least once every week, even if this means not getting my classwork done. It is more important to me to finish my thesis than to get straight As (although those are pretty fun too), so when necessary I will put my own research first.

In order to have strong relationships with friends, family, and Neill I will work on creating more time for my VIPs.  I'm pretty good at giving Neill lots of face time, but I need to work on staying connected to my friends and family. This year, I plan to renew my efforts to keep in touch with my friends and family. For example, I'd like to invite my father over for dinner once a month. Besides making more time to see people, I want to work on being a better friend. This means showing up for the important events and returning phone calls-something I'm terrible at! 

In order to be financially secure we will pay my credit cards off in full every month and save a minimum of 10% of all of our income. Because we are supported by Neill's income, I want to make sure we maintain an 8 month emergency fund. Plus, it is my personal goal to make the maximum contribution to my Roth IRA ($5,000). Furthermore, I want to learn more about finances. In 2010 I read two of Suze Orman's books (I love her) and this year I plan to read more on the topic. These are some lofty goals, but Neill and I take our financial security very seriously.

In order to be healthy I am going to focus on health--not just weight. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I want to drop the weight I gained after Neill and I tied the knot. But, being healthy is so much more than losing the poundage. I want to be healthy not just to see the size on my jeans drop; I want to be healthy so that I can enjoy the rest of my life. To do this I want to focus on healthy eating, physical activity, and educating myself on these things.

In order to be happy I'm going to follow through on my plans! And when I stumble, I will be kind to myself :)  Hot cocoa and marshmallows are surely the first steps to the road of happiness, right?

free time!

ahh remember when I was complaining about the hells of graduate school? I was so unhappy and all I could think about was my summer of freedom?

well

im going crazy with all this free time.

I've had enough of this life of leisure.

I need some structure!

I thought going through the closets and getting rid of everything we don't need anymore would keep me busy, but i'm already mostly finished! (two full trashbags of stuff so far, thank you very much!).

this is bad. very bad.

right now i'm contemplating going on to campus i'm so bored. do i need to? not really. but the commute will kill two hours and I'm sure I can find something to work on there for a couple of hours.

rescue me!

finals week hell

you know those weeks where you are just filled to capacity? Not one more tiny little thing can possibly fit on your agenda because you don't have the time nor the mental energy to accommodate it? Yeah, that's where I am.

It has gotten to the point that after classes or lab meeting I find myself looking for a private corner to cry in. I'm just that mentally exhausted. I have no resources left. 

I'm trying to pep myself up so that I can put the effort into this final sprint, but lord knows its rough. One week from today my life will be about a hundred times better. So for now, I'm just trying to make it till then.

finals

so remember how i said that graduate school takes up about 80% of my time? well, during these next two weeks I'm expecting that number to jump up to about 98%. I'll pop in and update when I need to destress, but I'll probably mainly just be working away on papers and the like. check back though, because i have a wonderful bridal shower to fill you in on and lots of pictures to share!

wish me luck!

I have two midterms due today. Wish me luck!

(and yes - to anyone who noticed - it is very late in the semester for midterms. finals are just around the corner!) 

graduate school hell

as i mentioned in my last post, school has been getting me down lately. I have to say for the last three weeks I've definitely been dragging. I know three weeks probably sounds like nothing to y'all, but I'm sort of wimpy (I guess) so three weeks is enough for me to want to throw in the towel. Unfortunately, i've got five weeks before I can say "i quit" and not actually be a quitter.

if you think about, that equals out to eight weeks or two months of being beaten down with stress and work and having to pull myself through the daily grind. 2 precious months! That's one sixth of a whole year! and then when you add in the two months I spent in graduate school hell last semester - that knocks it up to 1/3! That means that I'll spend 1/3 of this school year (august 09 to august 10) feeling all . . . stressed to the max. This can't be good for my health (or my fiance's health).

recently, i've noticed that even small things are enough to send me to tears. thankfully, my office provides a wonderful private space for crying :)

I think one of my biggest obstacles to living a stress free lifestyle (besides the mountains of homework and lab work that pile up at the most inopportune times), is making time to destress throughout the day. I'm one of those people that constantly feels like there is not enough time for everything and I tend to work myself up over it. Also, then I find myself not eating lunch or going to the bathroom or drinking water or stretching my legs or any of that good stuff because i've convinced myself that there is not enough time to get xyz done so i couldn't possibly take five minutes to heat up my food. Not taking care of myself in that way just makes me feel crappier and more stressed out.

My other obstacle is using the time I do have wisely. All to often I find myself veggin out in front of the television at the end of the day because I'm so drained it is the only activity that I can imagine doing. While I like to tell myself that this helps me unwind, there are probably some things I could do that would be way more effective.  I wonder if I would feel better if instead of watching tv, I used that time to meditate, call a friend, or write in a journal.

tomorrow might be a good day to put one of these to work! Door to door, I've got a 14 hour day in front of me. I'll be out the door at 8:30 am and won't be back home till around 10:30 pm. In that time period I'll TA, go to research methods class, have office hours, finish up work for lab, have lab meeting, finish a paper that is due at 6:30 PM, go to neuropsychological assessment class, and hopefully keep a smile on my face!

statistics

statistics homework is oh so boring.
why must we run the same sort of analysis over and over again?
main effects. interactions. partial eta squared. simple main effects. cohen's d. within subjects. between subjects. mixed model design. blah blah blah.

finally, a nonwedding related post

This week is technically my spring break, but I've got to say - it doesn't feel at all like a break. Maybe I've just got more time to sit around and think about all of the school work I've got, but it feels like I have even more to do this week than last! I'll admit that I'm feeling more than a little stressed out. I'm trying to remind myself to breath and just put one (proverbial) foot in front of the next.

On a bright side, I'm so happy that my mom is back home! She completed her intensive one month training at a Sivananda Yoga Center in Nassau and is now certified to teach yoga! She has been doing yoga since the 60s and I'm so excited that she has decided to make a career out of something that she loves! During her training she kept a vegetarian diet, so to celebrate her return to Chicago we went out to a new vegetarian restaurant that has been getting great reviews - Mana Food Bar in Wicker Park. Yum!

there is love and work

Oh man oh man. I registered for classes today! yikes! They start August 24th! And voila . . . here is my final schedule:

and more and more and more stuff

lots and lots and lots and lots of more packing going on at my mom's house. packing sucks. it makes me never, ever want to move.

On the other hand, seeing how much room my mom had for all of her stuff . . . I am itching to move into a house. A real house. Not an apartment or a condo or a duplex or whatever. A house with a front and back yard. And two floors. and a basement. A home that we can settle into and not have to worry about moving for years and year and years.

don't get me wrong - i love our condo. And I think we do a very nice job of making it a home. But, I feel like a move is inevitable. At some point, maybe 5 years from now, we will move. And knowing this makes it hard to really put deep roots down. At least, not like I could in a house that has enough room for us and our futures babies.

ahh babies

On a completely (and perhaps opposing) note, I found out what classes I am going to take in the fall! The program is pretty set, so I don't really get to choose my classes until later on. This fall I will be taking:

Psych 412, Sect 001, Class #2248, Hours = 1.5, Intro to the Profession of Clinical Psychology

Psych 432, Sect 001, Class #2264, Hours = 3, Intellectual/Personality Assessment

Psych 446, Sect 001, Class #2276, Hours = 3, Psychopathology

Psych 480, Sect 001, Class #2300, Hours = 3, Advanced Statistics I

Life is feeling very real.