Tear of . . . Joy(?)

because i have no shame and i like to tell you everything, i'm going to be completely honest about how freakin coocoo i've been lately. yesterday, i think i cried five or six times. 

meltdown # 3 (because I know that there were tears shed earlier in the day): Passport drama. We have passports. They are up to date and we've used them in recent years. So, when Neill's travel agent aunt asked us if we had our passports sorted out we both nodded and congratulated ourselves for being so prepared. Come yesterday, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PASSPORT??? (Said at a very high decibel with tears and door slamming). Neill found his passport. I could not find mine. This was obviously Neill's fault. I retreat to bedroom, empty sock and underwear drawer, still can't find passport, crawl into bed and resign myself to the fact that I've ruined our honeymoon. This was actually the time that I got up to yell at Neill for not helping me find my passport. He finds it. I'm relieved and feeling silly for yelling so incredibly loud and using the f word. Neill wipes away my tears and "shhhs" me and says nice things like "you're under a lot of stress". I give Neill my passport to hold on to - on the wedding rings.

meltdown #5: The gym. I go to gym. Man behind counter says I look calm for being one week ago. I confide in him that I've already cried many times. He seems uncomfortable. Why did I overshare? Now he probably thinks I don't want to get married. My face gets red and I go upstairs. On elliptical. Think that working out will help me calm down. weather report comes on tv. I cry. I regain composure. Back to working out. Start thinking about my dad walking me down the aisle (which he isn't, but I'm imagining if he was) and I cry. I hope lady next to me thinks I'm just sweating.

Meltdown #4 was about the Welcome Letters. But Neill wised up and gave me my way, so that was only a minor meltdown. Although I think I did lay on the bedroom floor for a few moments trying to regain composure.

don't i sound like an awesome human being? haha. no. whatevs.

Meltdown #1 and 2 were probably about the weather. i've shed more than enough tears for the words "hot", "humid", and "thunderstorms". mentioned to my mom that it might rain, she admitted that she has been checking the weather. i couldn't believe she knew and was being so sweet as to not stress me out about it. i know its something small, but i just thought that was the most loving thing.

goal of today? no meltdowns.