Ketubah Part IV - The Final Reveal

At this point I'm sure you know more details about our ketubah search than you ever wanted to! Thanks for sticking with me :)

In the end, we have chosen to go with Many Moons from New Ketubah. We liked the modern, understated style and that it is handmade. Also, we have chosen the secular text as we liked how this text acknowledged that we are in coming from two separate backgrounds.

I've got to be honest, writing this little series made me question all over again which Ketubah was right for us. As I hinted to, I really do find all of the ketubahs I showed you beautiful and I started wondering if perhaps I liked some of the other ones better that Many Moons. But, after an hour or two comparing the texts available for all of the different ketubahs I am reassured that we made the right decision.

Yippee!

And in case you haven't had enough:
ketubah part one, part two, and part three.

Ketubah part III

Now that I've shown you guys the different ketubah designs we are thinking of, it is time to move on to our text choices. In case you missed Ketubah part one and part two, a ketubah is basically a marriage contract. Traditionally, the ketubah covered very practical issues in regards to the rights of the husband and wife. But now, there are a lot more options in terms of wording. I was raised reform and Neill isn't even Jewish, so we are going more the lovey dovey route :) We want the text to basically be an extension of the vows we will recite during the ceremony. Both Neill and I liked these two text options available through New Ketubah.

 

There are so many more options out there though! On ketubah.com, for example, there are literally 23 different types of texts to choose from! Talk about options! For example, instead of just secular or humanist there are two different secular-humanist texts. But honestly, they all start to sound the same after a while! 

Anyhoo, I think I'm going to drag this out to be a four parter and unveil our chosen ketubah on the next (and last - I promise!) installment of this mini series.

Ketubah Part II

Lots of sites that sell ketubahs offer the same ketubah in multiple texts or even give you the option to write your own, so we first prioritized finding a ketbuah that we liked the look of. It will hang in our home for years to come after all!

Our Rabbi recommended we check out ketubahketubha to get a sense of what we wanted. They have a TON of options from different artists and you can search my price, text, etc. I must have combed through the website ten times - every time I looked at it, I saw ketubahs that I had skipped over before. Honestly, having so many options was a bit overwhelming! After Neill and I went through every. single. option. together we ended up with ten options on our short list.

evening star, papercut - ivory, entwined, life dance I, song of songs, beloved II, momoyama, meant to be, 18 flowers, i'll be there - autumn

Another site we liked was Tsilli Pines's new ketubah. Two of her styles stood out to us as potentials: 

   sunburst, many moons

As you can see, we ended up with an assortment of different styles! Even looking at them now though, there is something about each ketubah that I find beautiful. Do you have a favorite?

ketubah part 1

I don't know why I've been avoiding this blog. I think I'm starting to have enough of Wedding Blogs - partly because I've come to accept that our wedding will not be like the highly stylized weddings that populate the internets. Our wedding will be wonderful - particularly  for Neill and me, since we will end up married - but it will not be perfect. And not every single detail will be special. And probably some people will not have fun and others will be slightly peeved that there aren't enough chairs. And it might even rain. And blah blah blah. I just want to be married already!

Anyways.

I'm not over getting married, so I thought I'd write about something central to the whole getting married part of the wedding - our ketubah! What is a ketubah, you ask? Well, according to this site (here):

A ketubah is a work of art that uses images and words to express the love and commitment of your marriage vows. While the ketubah has its roots in the Jewish wedding tradition, its beauty has become embraced by couples from all different religions and cultures. It is signed by the bride and groom in a special ceremony at the wedding, publicly declaring their commitment and love, and symbolizing the traditional start of their married life. After the wedding, the ketubah is usually hung in a place of honor in the home, and serves as a daily reminder of the vows they have made to each other on their wedding.

I think signing our ketubah and having very important people in our lives act as witnesses will be a really meaningful part of our ceremony. Also, I'm really excited to have something to hang in our home for the rest of our lives to remind us of our vows and how we'd like to live every day.

The complicated part - picking this document! Not only are there aesthetic concerns, but we really wanted to find a text that meant something to us. Let the search begin!

blessing of the hands

I can't remember if I've shared this here before or not - but its so beautiful, it worth repeating anyhow. This is a reading I'm almost positive I'd like to incorporate into our wedding. I think it would be nice to do this reading right before the exchanging of the rings. What do you think? 

Blessing of the Hands
These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

emphasis on equality

great thread over at 2000 dollar wedding on how to take a stand for marriage equality at your wedding.

Someone posted an excerpt from the MA Supreme Court ruling that is just so touching. Have you read this before?

From Goodridge v. Dept. Of Public Health,
introduction by Massachusetts Supreme Court
Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall:
"Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive
commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love
and mutual support. Civil marriage is at once a deeply
personal commitment to another human being and a highly
public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship,
intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfils yearnings for
security, safe haven, and connection that express our
common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution
and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life's
momentous acts of self-definition. It is undoubtedly for these
concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal
significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a
"civil right." Without the right to choose to marry one is
excluded from the full range of human experience."

Union

Union by Robert Fulghum

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.

For after today you shall say to the world –
This is my husband. This is my wife.

Chicago Pride!

This weekend is one of my favorite summer events - the PRIDE PARADE! There are events going on all weekend and the official Pride Parade starts this Sunday at noon. Will you be there?

While in a lot of ways the pride parade is about getting some sun and having fun, its largely about showing solidarity with individuals who have been persecuted for their sexual identity and/or orientation. And for me, this is something that is very important. I believe that all people, no matter whom they love or how their gender identity does (or does not) correspond to their physical sex, should have equal rights. And this includes the right to marriage and all of the legal benefits that come with it. To me, the idea that a marriage should only be between a man and a woman is as misguided and arcane as the idea that marriage should only be between those of the same ethnicity or religion.

As an interfaith and interracial couple, I believe it is important for me (and hopefully Neill) to stand in alliance with those are not yet able to legally wed. Now this isn't something I've broached with Neill yet, but I would really like to incorporate this view point into our wedding ceremony. We are lucky that in this day and age we are able to marry, for in the past our relationship and marriage would not have this legal validation. And to enjoy these advances in social and legal equality without acknowledging the people in our society who have yet to gain this freedom, well . . . that just isn't something I want to do.

This isn't a full fledged idea yet and so in the future I hope to share with you a more fleshed out plan, but I wanted to share it with you in honor of pride week. Any ideas would of course be appreciated :)